Living in the digital age can be traumatic
Every single day, we hear about horrific things that are happening all over the world. Wars, humanitarian crises, environmental disasters, terrorist attacks, freak accidents, shocking crimes, etc… but for many of us, traumatic events happen much closer to home. Personal stories of bullying, abuse, and sabotage. Perhaps not as newsworthy, but certainly as devastating on an individual level.
If you have suffered bullying, abuse, or sabotage, you will know what a detrimental effect it can have on every aspect of your life. It can destroy your mental, physical, and emotional health, your personal and professional relationships, your job, how you engage with the world around you, and your enjoyment of life in general. In extreme cases, it can take away your will to live.
adults can be victims too
When we think about bullying, we typically think about children and teenagers.
When we think about abuse, we generally think about domestic abuse, or child abuse.
When we think about sabotage, we might focus on self-sabotage or sabotage in the workplace.
But bullying, abuse, and sabotage can be experienced by anyone, anywhere, at any time. We can all become victims, and sadly, many of us can also become the perpetrators when we facilitate the abuse by engaging in gossip or sharing damaging material and content.
If you research bullying online, the vast majority of search results concern the bullying of children. Therefore, the advice given is generally aimed at parents and schools. It is understandable that most research and resources are dedicated to investigating and protecting children, teenagers, and young adults as they can be very vulnerable. However, this blog is more concerned with cases where the victims and abusers are adults.
abusers, victims, & “everybody else”
When we think of bullying, abuse, and sabotage, it is natural to focus on the main protagonists in the story – the abuser and the victim (or the abusers & the victims). However, we don’t often think about “everybody else”, and in my experience, they play a very important role in the story. They can be instrumental in helping the victim recover and rebuild their life by showing them some compassion, solidarity, and respect. Or they can engage in toxic behaviour and perpetuate the suffering of the victims, retraumatizing them over and over again. Making it impossible for the victims to put their past behind them and move on.
Who is “everybody else”?
Everybody else is anyone that was not actively involved in the initial bullying, abuse, or sabotage. People who may or may not know what happened.
Every single day we interact with lots of different people. People we know well, acquaintances that we vaguely know, and strangers that we know absolutely nothing about. Whatever our relationship, we should treat people with respect and kindness. We never know what someone else has been through – sometimes, even the people we think we know well. You may be dealing with someone who has been traumatized and the way you treat them can have a huge impact on their recovery.
Stop Retrauma 